Revised – Alberta Driver’s 2006 Handbook

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Albertan driver
avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody
else, putting you in an even more dangerous
situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have
of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it
and it will result in your being
rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
especially with B.C. or Sask, plates. With no insurance, the other operator has
nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to strengthen your leg
muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way
to prepare other drivers entering the
highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are
not enforceable in Alberta during rush hour, especially in
Calgary.

9. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn’t mean that an Albertan driver flashing his high beams behind
you doesn’t think he can go faster in your
spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the
victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Alberta is the home of
high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts
pot-holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them
alert.

12. It is tradition in Alberta to honk your horn at cars in front of you
that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns
green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is
important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your
seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from
danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Alberta driver is to get ahead of the
pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In Alberta, flipping the bird’ is considered a polite salute. This
gesture should always be returned.

Thank You,

 

The Alberta Registrar of Horseless Carriages

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About Anarchenisis

Mildly competitive… maybe a small bit head strong… sometimes has an opinion… and occasionally has a requirement to be right (currently averaging 99.9% of the time). But my high level of sensitivity and empathy makes up for any of my minor faults :-)
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